Attachment 5 of 100

"I'm sure 'The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds' had a profound significance for my father.  When he was young he was cared for by an affectionate and playful young nanny called Minnie, but she left the family when he was about four.  He told me that he was very attached to Minnie and felt the pain of separation when their affectional bond was broken, but - although his work reminded him of this pain - he was able to work with it throughout his life.  Losing a very important attachment figure and working out the importance of an enduring relationship was, I think, a large part of his motivation for a lifetime study of the affectional bond that forms between a child and his primary attachment figure." (Richard Bowlby's Introduction to The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds by John Bowlby (2004), xi)


I was talking to a guy who goes to my church this past Sunday who is a counsellor.  He was mentioning his research for his Masters degree and was talking about how one of the things he was focussing on was why people go into the careers that they do.  I've had a pet theory since college that people go into the field that they feel is the answer to the the most important problem in the world (for whatever reason).  But what this counsellor was saying was that people who go into the helping professions (youth work and teaching, for example) are usually trying to heal some wound that they had received in childhood.  


If the carer realises this about themselves and actively works through their own personal issue, then the work relationship between the carer and for whom they are caring can be fine and healthy.  However, if the deep wound is not sorted out, the relationship can be selfish at its base, because the carer is seeking to heal themselves through the relationship and not actually do their job, which is to care well and unselfishly.  


In some ways, I might have been on the right track with my theory in college.  As human beings, we see our deepest wounds as the greatest problem in the world.